Sticking
to my goals was especially difficult with today’s
school lunch. As I’ve
mentioned before, elementary school students are made to eat their
entire lunches, so at those schools I try to set a good example and
eat everything even if it breaks my rules. But at my junior high
school I eat in the office with some of the school
staff, so we have the freedom to choose what and how much we eat.
Everyone receives the same lunch, but it is acceptable to throw away
anything you don’t
want.
First of
all, throwing away food is really hard for me to come to terms with.
It’s
such a waste, trashing perfectly good food, I’m
sure there’s
someone out there who would love to eat it! But that’s
the thing, someone…
out there…
The
best option is to not buy or make more than you can eat, but since
school lunch is a pre-made set of food, I just have to learn to throw
some away.
What
made today particularly difficult, though, was that I really wanted
to eat it! Not eating bread is fine, I don’t
like bread that much anyway. But today we got two fried shumai
(Chinese dumplings), and they looked so good! However, I believe the
wrapper is
made with egg and wheat flour. They were so small though, small
enough that I could maybe reason to myself that it’s
not enough to matter. But if I start making little allowances too
often, pretty soon I’m
completely screwed.
The
other reason I wanted to eat them rather than throw them away was
because I wanted to avoid the curiosity of the office staff. It’s
normal to toss some of your rice or bread or even other dishes
because you were full. But to eat everything except specifically the
two little shumai, well, clearly it’s
not because I just got full.
Conversations about what I’m eating or not eating and why make me feel uncomfortable and defensive. The assumption often is that if someone chooses not to eat something they either hate it or are dieting for weight loss. And if they think I’m dieting for weight loss, the immediate response is, “But you look great! You don’t need to diet!” Here’s a thought, maybe I look great BECAUSE I eat well? Plus, it’s not just about weight, but also digestive health, energy levels, headaches, and many many other things that can be affected by what you put in your body.
Two sad little shumai left all alone on the lunch tray.
Conversations about what I’m eating or not eating and why make me feel uncomfortable and defensive. The assumption often is that if someone chooses not to eat something they either hate it or are dieting for weight loss. And if they think I’m dieting for weight loss, the immediate response is, “But you look great! You don’t need to diet!” Here’s a thought, maybe I look great BECAUSE I eat well? Plus, it’s not just about weight, but also digestive health, energy levels, headaches, and many many other things that can be affected by what you put in your body.
All of
this, though, is hard to explain in a quick conversation, especially
while people are trying to tell me not to worry, or to make an
exception this time because of A or B. I know they mean well, but
it’s
actually stressful. So even when people aren’t
reacting like that, I still feel stressed, imagining that they will.
This is a big reason why I didn’t
want to throw away my delicious shumai. I’m
really motivated to stick to my rules, though, especially since I
started this blog. So, bye bye shumai! And
thankfully, nobody said anything. Even better, I’m
proud of myself for resisting! Today
gets gold stars for food and exercise! Now I’ll
drift off to sleep imagining how good those shumai would have tasted…